[Ed: Of course, they know! You've written 6 posts - let me look – and 13.500 words on the subject …!]
Ok, you don't have to go on about it!
[Ed: me going on!]
Hey! Don't get your knickers in a twist .. or in this case your garters.
Anyway this will be a quickly ..
[Ed: I'll believe it when I see it!]
Go and put the kettle on and then I’ll begin..
[Ed: sounds like listen with mother!]
As some of you will know ... stop looking at me like that!
Some time ago, I mentioned that I had bought a 6-garter suspender belt to keep ‘them’ up. In the last three months, I’ve been wearing my garters to work and at home, 24/7 one could say. They go on first thing in the morning (following the bathroom phase) and off the last thing at night (before the bathroom phase). I’ve had to be very strict on this due to acute problems leg wise, but more on that in the next stocking update.
Fastening my stockings has now become routine, although it’s a bit of a bind going through the motions, especially the contortion act at the back. But it’s the only girly like thing I do regularly so one tries to persevere. Of course, this summer’s heat wave was great fun while having ones legs encased in heavy duty elastic...
Last week I had to fly to Zagreb for a couple of days on business. Note: I don't fly pretty, not like some of the girls we know. I don't even get out under the cover of darkness fem.
[Ed: you wouldn’t dare!]
Oh don’t rub it in. For our tea your find some rich tea biscuits by the new delivery from the English Shop. Wonder what the prices will be like when we start paying customs duty on them..
Well, as I was lying in bed and slowly coming to I went through my ‘to-take with me’ mental checklist for the trip: paperwork, tickets, diverse adaptors, USB stick, a fully powered up notebook so I could try and work (cramped) on the train, at the airport and highly unlikely in the air. Thinking about it, I doubted that I would have any time, as I would have two colleagues with me and we would talk shop most of the journey.
As I would be flying in the afternoon, I wasn't in any hurry to get up even though I had to go to work first and then catch the train. I continued my check list and moved on to what to wear and pack ...
[Ed: you mean what the misses packs for you, anything you pack looks the next day like an abortive piece of origami.]
True, it usually does have that somewhat slept in look.
I decided on a light rain jacket, t-shirt, grey trousers and my silver grey stockings for flying and for the meeting pack - ok layout to be packed - my business suit and my anthracite stockings.
[Ed: you match your stockings to what you wear!]
As far as I can that is, as I don’t wear stocks anymore only stockings, I match when I can.
I usually fly from Cologne/Bonn but this time we had to fly from Frankfurt, where it takes at least 30 minutes to get to your gate not taking into account the traffic jam at security. And then I realised lying there that at one point on my hike I would be subjected to a body scan of the high tech type in a very public area, a highly sensitive metal and god knows what else detector!
I then though about my garters ..
and then I thought about the metal clips on the garters ..
and then I thought about all 6 of them nicely placed around my thighs ..
and then I thought oh!
and then I thought bugger!
and then I though no way mate are you going to have someone from airport security tell you to drop them in full view of colleagues, fellow travellers and any of the numerous CCTV cameras recording the event for later reply at staff parties.
and then I thought without a second thought..
I’ll stick them on instead.
Well insight or caution whatever one wants to call it paid off.
On arriving at the security zone, I saw the scanner cabin up ahead and a number of airport staff in our lane doing their thing. I wouldn’t say I’m a routine flyer but I usually trigger my strip down routine to the decent minimum before being asked. I don’t like causing delays as I don’t like being delayed.
I stop and wait when it comes to belt and shoes. We don’t usually go in for sock walking on the continent but there can be random checks shoe wise. I was lucky. The security person took pity on me and I was allowed to keep my belt as well as my shoes on.
[Ed: Maybe he thought the belt was plastic.]
That’s what my colleague remarked to me as I watched him buckling up afterwards.
Although the cabin wasn’t in anyway claustrophobic I automatically started to hold my breath reminiscent of a CT I had a couple of weeks beforehand. I think it was the seconds in the caption that had triggered me off. All I heard was a low sounding hum as the front and back scanners swung by and that was it!
I was asked to come out and as the guardian of the scanner looked at the display, I followed suit. I’m use to peeps or a whining noise if anything is detected, here was a picture with yellow blotches.
There were two highlighted areas; one was obviously my belt and the other looked like there was something located in my right back trouser pocket. Without further ado, I was directed to an open booth and the booth man looked at my belt and then asked me to empty my pockets. I had totally forgotten that I had my medication in my back pocket! I hadn’t though much about them, but the three blisters with their thin metal foil had triggered the scanner!
On showing them to him, he nodded and I was allowed to go back to the queue and wait to collect and repack everything. I was quite surprised at the sensitivity of the machine, had to be I suppose.
I had a chuckle imagining the garter clips appearing on the scan followed by funny looks and sniggering or other guttural noises and wondering how they would have proceeded. Thankfully, I will not know.
[Ed: that trip no, but knowing you..]
Maybe, next time when flying alone I might let it come to a ‘drop them’. Just to give you an idea of what a garter scanner could have looked like, I’ve played around with a scanner picture. One is never sure if they would have done a visual check. I suspect just the blue gloves pat down. My trousers where thin and with a little verbal hint from me, it would have been obvious what the blotches were. Depending on the experience and let’s call it chivalry of the booth man I might have got off with a smile. Of course worse case, I could have been carted off for a 3rd. degree.
[Ed: In the case of 3rd degree as you have detailed ‘the reason why’ for wearing them often enough in this blog, a link to the appropriate posts would have explained everything.]
Oh yes, I would have then been on my way in no time!!
So where is that tea?